Sometimes families don’t have a good system of communication. Having an objective third party, such as an Aging Life Care professional (AKA Care Manager), guide the conversation can help improve communication.
At other times, families can feel overwhelmed and as if their issues are insurmountable. An experienced Care Manager as a navigator can help bring down the anxiety level and help families see that they’re not alone.
Everyone who facilitates a meeting might do it differently, but as Lisa Mayfield shares, when she’s facilitating a meeting, the ground rules are:
- Everybody listens.
- Everyone has a chance to speak.
- Everyone gets to be heard.
- No interrupting when somebody is speaking.
- No one leaves the room in the middle of a meeting.
As Lisa acknowledges, “What tends to happen is people might get emotional whether they’re sad or angry, and their first reaction is to run. I set up in the beginning that people need to stay to the end. But I also remind people at the beginning that emotions will come up. When you’re caring for a parent, it’s really emotional. I’m not sure I’ve ever been in a family meeting where somebody didn’t cry or get angry, that emotions come up, and I like them to know that that will happen so that they’re not surprised by it. And if I tell them that will happen it sort of normalizes it.”
Family meetings are effective. Having everyone in the same room, with a skilled person facilitating the conversation can make a huge difference. Sometimes it takes several meetings, depending upon the level of conflict, the number of unresolved issues, and how much people need to talk and be heard.
Nicole Amico Kane reflects “I think it can be helpful for the Care Manager to put some structure on the meetings. For a lot of families, that may very well be the first time in a while that they’ve all gotten together around the same table, talking about what their concerns are for their parent. Without some structure in place, those meetings could go on and on and ultimately be unproductive. So that’s where the Care Manager comes in to really help with that, to keep everyone on task, and to make sure everyone has an opportunity for their point of view to be heard. And it’s not just one or two people dominating the conversation. So, we certainly can help with that.“
“And then the other thing I think can be helpful is just making sure that there‘s some priority setting. Oftentimes there’s a lot that gets shared, and sometimes it’s too much to be dealt with in one meeting. So, we can help pay attention to everything that’s being discussed and ultimately help the family recognize that we may not solve all those problems today so let’s just focus on a few priorities.”
Family conversations and finding common ground about what’s best for your parent isn’t always easy. With the help of a neutral professional such as an Aging Life Care Professional (aka Geriatric Care Manager), you can improve communication, as well as prioritize solutions.
Schedule a free, get-acquainted call with one of our Care Managers by CLICKING HERE.