Reluctance to spend money is often one of the top barriers to getting parents the help they need. And money discussions can be uncomfortable, especially with our parents.
Our parents have worked hard. They’ve invested wisely and saved diligently. And now, when they may need it most, they refuse to spend the money they’ve saved on themselves.
This is a common dilemma for many families. A parent who needs and can benefit greatly from support in their home or by moving to a supportive living environment says “No!” to the idea.
They are hesitant to spend the money, viewing it as an extravagance. Or they don’t recognize that they need the help and refuse to spend money as a result.
Most parents in this situation have the best intentions at heart. They save for the possibility of one day having to move to a retirement community, but when that day comes, they are reluctant, resistant even.
They’d love to leave an inheritance for their family. Yet, their family only wants what’s best for mom and dad.
The tension is real and understandable. How do you get from resistance to acceptance? How do you start the conversation and move it forward about finances, care, and their quality of life?
It doesn’t happen overnight.
We have worked with hundreds of families through the years in similar circumstances. By applying the tips below, you can thoughtfully open the conversation, soften their hesitation, address their concerns, and take step forward to provide your parents with the care and support they deserve.
Tips for Starting (and Continuing) the Conversation
- Start early, preferably before there is a major health event or change. Be proactive, rather than reactive.
- Use an appropriate story from the news, or life event examples of family, friends, or neighbors to open the conversation. This should open the door to then ask: “Are you prepared if something like that were to happen to you?”
- Choose your words and the timing of conversations carefully. Be respectful and check your emotions. Choose a time when everyone will be relaxed.
- Reassure your parents that you want to support their plans and goals. Don’t make the conversation about money.
- Ask for advice or share about your own financial planning.
- Practice patience. Remain calm. Be compassionate with your parents and yourself.
- “Rinse, lather, repeat.” This will likely take several conversations. It’s a process.
Find yourself at a standstill? Not sure how to move forward with your parents? We can help. Call us to set up a consultation at 206.456.5155 and we will help guide you on your next steps.
