Fear of losing independence and freedom are common refrains we hear from clients when the topic of moving to a retirement community is proposed.
Your parents may be resistant to the idea because they have an image of the traditional medical model nursing home in mind when you mention a supportive living community. It’s not unusual to perceive a senior living as restrictive.
The reality is quite different. A move to a community often results in greater independence.
Here are some of the positive benefits we have witnessed when our clients move from their single-family homes, townhouses, or condos to a senior living community:
True freedom. Freedom from home repair and maintenance, lawn care, housecleaning, meal planning and preparation, grocery shopping, navigating stairs and poorly lit spaces, transportation challenges, bill paying, isolation and the loneliness that can come with it.
The reality: living in your own home takes time and energy. And most of our homes are not accommodating as we grow older. A move to a retirement community allows more time for social engagement, community activities, and creative pursuits such as dining with new friends over chef-prepared meals, swimming laps, a book or walking club, a day trip to Leavenworth, learning watercolor painting, or growing dahlias.
Safety and security. While this may not be at the top of your parent’s list of concerns, we know it’s important to you. Senior housing and retirement communities are intentionally designed to support us as we grow older. From well-appointed lighting to clear signage, elevators, acoustics, floor and wall coverings, seating, and apartment design, all aspects are chosen and implemented to support the well-being of residents. In addition, there is staff on call 24/7.
You may find this article helpful as you move forward in conversations with your older loved one: Can freedom and safety co-exist?
Bring the Comforts of Home with You. While the thought of moving someone from their home to an apartment in a senior community can seem daunting, it doesn’t have to be. You can read more about that here: Should It Stay or Should It Go?
Selecting which items to move can be made easier with the assistance of a Senior Move Manager. Some communities even have staff who assist with this aspect of a home transition.
Comforts such as family photos and mementos, furniture, wall hangings, houseplants, and bedding can all help to make the new environs cozy, welcoming and familiar.
Getting Ahead of a Crisis. Families often lament not having encouraged a move sooner. The best time to move is when we are healthy. We have more options available to us.
When an unexpected health change occurs, such as a fall resulting in a broken hip, or a stroke, the choices narrow. You often don’t have the luxury of time to look for the optimal accommodations either.
This is what we refer to as a reactive move. They are stressful and can quickly escalate into making choices on the fly, which is both overwhelming and difficult on your parent.
Being proactive allows you to anticipate that a fall or stroke may happen down the road. This can make a move more purposeful. It also provides peace of mind. Knowing that a senior housing community provides 24/7 staffing, a supportive environment, healthy outlets for social engagement, nutrition, physical activity, transportation to outings and doctors’ appointments takes a lot of stress and worry off adult children.
The Value of Community. Friendship, purpose, belonging, it’s essential across the lifespan. If we’ve learned anything during the pandemic, it’s that social isolation and loneliness can be debilitating to our well-being and overall quality of life.
Communities made safety modifications a priority during the height of the pandemic, as well as accommodations such as patio and window visits, and video chat calls on portable devices during those times.
Now reopened to regular visitors, life is slowly getting back to normal. The dining rooms, activity spaces, hallways, and lobbies are once again filled with conversation and laughter. Residents, staff, and family are now more aware of the value of connection and community engagement.
Most communities understand and work hard to help residents feel at home, purposeful, and to find kindred spirits. One community we know has a knitting circle where residents make hats and blankets for patients at Children’s Hospital. Another has a group who meet in the workshop to make beautiful wooden toys for children living in transitional housing. And another takes resident volunteers to a local food bank every month to assist with organizing donations and packing grocery boxes.
Be Your Parent’s Kid Again. When you are running circles to keep your parent at home, especially if they have a progressive condition such as Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s, it can be a fulltime job. In addition to the demands of managing all the moving parts, the cost of care will escalate over time.
A move to a community can offset the stress and overwhelm of these many responsibilities, as well as the costs. Additionally, this allows for more time to be in relationship with your parent, to enjoy one another’s company, rath than being consumed by care needs.
Next Steps. With patience and persistence, a safe, caring solution can be realized. If you’re exhausted trying to accommodate a loved one’s desire to stay in their home, but it’s clear that this is no long a viable option, there is help.
Every family is different, but there are supports and strategies available to help you focus on creating a plan to move forward, explore what matters most to your loved one, while respecting their autonomy, independence, and dignity.
Having trouble navigating these conversations? It can be complicated. We are the experts in these conversations. Give us a call at 206.456.5155 to schedule a consultation today.
