The popularity of books such as “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” and programs like “Tidying Up with Maria Kondo” have many of us rethinking our possessions and living environments. The idea of organizing, downsizing or “rightsizing” takes on a particular urgency if we are anticipating helping our parents prepare for a move to a senior living or long-term care community.
It can be anxiety-provoking to contemplate how you will help your parents organize their belongings and move from a single-family home or condo to an apartment or room. The challenge might even cause you to ignore or delay the issue all together.
Planning ahead with a few simple steps can help you help your loved ones make peace with their “stuff.” Assisting your parents by making an inventory of possessions and thoughtful decisions about them will make the move easier in the long run. If you apply these steps, we promise you will come out the other end of the process feeling accomplished, more clear-minded, and happier.
<Wisdom Wednesday Podcast: Overwhelmed by ‘stuff’>
Be prepared, however, for the emotions that come with possessions. We have experienced it ourselves and watched as family, friends, and clients have gone through the process of deciding what to keep, what to donate, and what to throw away. The decisions are not made lightly. Emotions are often triggered by something as simple as a book, a knick-knack, a letter, an outdated piece of clothing, a photograph. You hold the item in your hands and suddenly the memories tied to that possession take over.
The heart of the Kondo approach is to hold each item in your hands and ask yourself Does it spark joy? If it does, you keep it. If not, you get rid of it. But even if something doesn’t spark joy, it can still come with strong associations. Be prepared for this possibility. If you anticipate this ahead of diving into the project, you will be that much better prepared for this aspect of the process, and better able to make thoughtful decisions.
Where do you begin? Most of our olders have lived in their homes for years. This makes the accumulation of things and memories more likely. There are many reasons we hold on to things: sentimental attachments, perceived or real value, being overwhelmed, feelings of self-worth and identity. So, you begin by acknowledging this reality and the associated emotions. Our clutter can also serve as a distraction from deeper issues we are avoiding and as a buffer from pain.
Acknowledge the emotions. Talk with your loved one. If you or they find this difficult to do, seek the support of a counselor or therapist. It will promote healing and help everyone to move forward.
Approach it with an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude can be a powerful and positive emotion to apply throughout this process. When we look at your possessions through a lens of thankfulness, something shifts. Releasing items into the world becomes easier. Thanking an object for its purpose in our lives might sound a little hokey but give it a try. Your loved ones may find themselves better able to release the item as a result.
Enlist the help of others. One of our colleagues has a friend who lived in her 3,000+ square foot home for over 20 years. Widowed and an empty nester, she needed to move, but was overwhelmed by the enormity of the task and the emotions that accompanied it. She was also overwhelmed by the maintenance of the house and living there alone. She got smart and enlisted the help of several of friends who love her but didn’t share her emotional attachment to her belongings.
Valiantly, she made a sweep of her home and determined which items were non-negotiable by either moving the items to a spare room or marking them, such as pieces of furniture, clearly, with Post-It® notes. The rest was up to us. We were also responsible for taking these items with us: we could donate, keep, or give the items away. This gave my friend much less to deal with from the perspective of possessions, making the next round of downsizing and the job of moving much easier.
Storage – don’t! You’ll pack it and forget it. And you’ll pay a monthly fee for renting the storage space. Find a way to soldier through the rightsizing process. NOW! Find new homes for the items that have served you well and can find a new life elsewhere:
- Take photographs of sentimental items and maintain a digital album. Several studies have shown that this helps keep the memories intact without the clutter of retaining the items.
- Find a non-profit that redistributes items to those in need. They’d welcome your gently used clothing, bedding, furniture, kitchen gadgets, electronics.
- Libraries appreciate book donations, as they can sell them and invest the proceeds in new equipment, books, and other resources. Some bookstores buy used books.
- Family heirlooms can become dust collectors. Is there someone else in your family who may cherish the item? Or a heritage group or museum may welcome the item to their collection?
- Items in need of repair? Ask yourself: will you use that item if you fix it? Did you already replace it? What is the probability it can be repaired? Best to recycle or toss.
- Tools? You may be able to donate them to a tool exchange library, a scouting troop, or a technical school.
- Appliances in good repair? Check with Habitat for Humanity ReStore. In addition to appliances, they also accept housewares, furniture, and building materials.
Finding peace with our stuff. We each have our own way of finding peace with our clutter. Our hope is that something we’ve shared has “sparked” a path forward to clear space, allowing room for new goals, your parents’ next chapter and more adventure, without the burden of too much stuff.
Still a bit overwhelmed by the thought of helping your parents navigate a move? Not sure how to get started? Give us a call, we can help. 206-456-5155 or schedule a consultation HERE.
