Caring for someone living with Alzheimer’s, another dementia, or Parkinson’s, whether it’s a spouse or parent, can be stressful, and at times, overwhelming, even on a good day. Too much stress can be harmful to you both. It’s also not uncommon for family caregivers to be so concerned with the needs of the person in their care that they lose sight of their own well-being.
Through my work as a Care Manager for Aging Wisdom, as well as a family caregiver support group facilitator, I often hear and observe the experiences, emotions, and concerns that are common to caregivers:
- Lack of support
- Fatigue, exhaustion – emotional, mental, and/or physical
- Insomnia
- Struggles with problem solving
- Grief
- Guilt and self-doubt
- Depression
- Financial worries
- Monotony
- Anger or resentment
- Disappointment
- Isolation
I’ve watched family care partners go above and beyond. However, as you’re actively caring for someone else, you don’t always recognize how it may be affecting your own health and well-being. Are you near or at caregiver burnout? Is your flame about to fizzle?
Check your flame: Is it about to fizzle?
Take our Caregiver Stress Test. This is a good place to begin. The Stress Test will help you recognize the warning signs of 
burnout.
The more items you answered TRUE, the higher the likelihood you are experiencing burnout! Even if you responded TRUE to one question, you would benefit from additional support.
It’s not uncommon for family caregivers to experience depression, isolation, and increased rates of chronic health conditions. This is why recognizing and addressing caregiver burnout is important. As a family care partner, it’s essential to recognize the warning signs of caregiver burnout, as well as healthy and effective strategies for managing caregiver stress before it turns into burnout.
Here are some simple yet effective strategies we’ve used when stress and feelings of being overwhelmed are evident:
Ask yourself, What fills my cup? What brings me joy?
Pause. Visualize it. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and go to your happy place. A walk with a friend. Lunch out with your 
daughter. A weekend at the beach. A latte and your favorite chocolate truffles. An evening at the theatre. An afternoon at the park with your grandchild.
How can you make that happen? Is there a way to incorporate this into each day? Weekly? Is it something you can regularly schedule?
Become comfortable asking for help. Family and friends want to contribute to your wellbeing. Accept help when offered. Suggest specific things that others can do to support you. Can you engage a family member or friend to stay with the person in your care while you go grocery shopping? Do you know how to access a caregiver respite program? Would hiring an in-house caregiver give you some time and space to “fill your cup”?
Do the Wet Dog Shake. Have a Dance Party!
We are big fans of incorporating movement and physical activity into our day. But finding time to workout or take a walk isn’t always practical, but you can always find time for the Wet Dog Shake and a Dance Party!
What’s the Wet Dog Shake? Envision a dog getting out of a lake. What is the first thing they do when they get to the shore? They shake off the water! Do that! Act as if you are drenched in water and need to shake it off like a dog. Do this for 10 seconds. Isn’t it amazing how good that feels? Yes, it may look and feel silly, but trust me, it works. You are shaking off some tension. Do this often.
Dance Party? It’s as easy and fun as the Wet Dog Shake. Put on your favorite song and dance! That’s all. Take 3 to 5 minutes to move your entire body. Shimmy, shake, and swirl to a song that brings you joy. Pharrell Williams’ Happy and Boogie Wonderland from Earth, Wind & Fire are my colleague Keri’s go-to Dance Party songs. One of my favorite Dance Party songs is 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton.
Music is a powerful tool. It can lift your mood and bring a smile to your day. Add a little dance and you have a party.
Be kind to yourself and remember: Nobody has it all figured out.
Give yourself some credit. Caregiving is one of the toughest jobs there is! You are doing an amazing job. Imperfection is the
new perfect!
Sometimes it helps to seek the support and wisdom of other caregivers. This is what a caregiver support group provides. As a support group facilitator, I know that the best insights, wisdom, and suggestions come from other caregivers who are on a similar journey.
It’s also a community. We all need a village of people who “get” us. Who understand what we struggle with and our self-doubt. And they’re also there to celebrate the victories, big and small. Find your people. They’re out there. Don’t do this alone!
Next Steps to Care for Yourself While Caring for Another
- You need to take care of yourself too. See your doctor for a check-up.
- Seek some relief from caregiving. Schedule a call with one an Aging Wisdom Care Manager. We can provide guidance on resources available in your community for respite, in-home caregivers, companion care, and more.
- Consider joining a support group. We are happy to help you find one.
- Organize medical information for yourself and the person in your care. Make sure it’s up to date and easy to access.
- Are your legal documents in order? Living will, Powers of attorney, Will, and Trust documents. If you need an Elder Law attorney, we’re happy to make referrals.
- Organize a “go bag.” During a crisis, it is normal to feel anxious. Prepare ahead with a “go bag” in case you need to leave your home unexpectedly. Preparing in advance gives you control when your thinking is clear and your nerves are steady. Contents of your bag should include:
- List of your important contacts, including your doctor
- List of your medications and medical problems
- Copy of your advanced directive and power of attorney
- Copy of your insurance cards and ID
- Cell phone/tablet plus charger
- Personal items: change of clothing, underwear, socks, glasses, hearing aids with batteries, etc.
- And don’t forget to do the Wet Dog Shake or take a break for a Dance Party when you need to loosen up, shake off tension, and have a little fun in the midst of a busy day.
You’ve got this!
Feeling a bit overwhelmed? Struggling with your journey as a family caregiver? We can help! Schedule a free get-acquainted call with us today.
Bonus: Self-care is indispensable to caregiving. To learn more about self-care and respite in particular, I encourage you to read this article from my colleague Nicole Amico Kane: Self-Care is Not Selfish: It’s Essential for Family Caregiver Well-Being.
