We humans are hardwired to routine. We like things to be predictable. Change IS hard. And change is harder as we age.
During the COVID-19 pandemic we’ve learned a lot about change. It is inevitable. Our brains can quickly go on overload when the world is evolving at such a rapid pace. We’ve had to change too many things at once. It’s difficult. Uncomfortable.
Psychology and neuroscience make clear that our brains seek patterns, the familiar, to make sense of the world. When circumstances don’t match familiar patterns, we can retreat and resist, it can also trigger anxiety.
In the article Why Change is Hard…and Good, Angela W. Lee, Professor of Professional Practice at Columbia Business School, identifies the root causes of resistance to change:
- Our brains are wired for laziness.
- Our brain’s capacity is limited.
- Our brains don’t like change.
If we put “change is hard” in perspective when it comes to our parents, we have a better understanding of why they may resist, initially, the idea of a move to a retirement community.
Many of the clients with whom we work have lived in their present homes for years. In addition to the home holding cherished memories, its environs are comfortable, reliable, predictable. We all have habits, routines, and cravings for comfort, now more than ever.
Mom has her morning routine, ways around the kitchen, and her friends are nearby. Dad loves his neighborhood, the workshop in the garage, his stacks of boxes in the basement. Your mother-in-law moved to her single-story condo twenty years ago, following the death of her husband, and she intends to live there until her passing.
However, when each of these individuals has experienced an unexpected health or memory change, family becomes understandably concerned. As our parents age, their homes may pose a challenge or hazard. Changes in health or cognition often prompt families to look at the situation with fresh eyes and focus on what’s best and most supportive for their loved one.
Resistance to the suggestion of a move on the part of an older parent is normal. Remember: Change is hard (no matter who you are, no matter what your age).
Our experience has proven time and again that patience and persistence win the day. You may find this blog post — Can freedom and safety co-exist? — of help as you navigate this journey of transition with your parent.
Has your parent experienced an unexpected health or memory change? Not sure what to do next? We can help! Call us today at 206.456.5155 or schedule a consultation online.
