“Gratitude is associated with a personal benefit that was not intentionally sought after, deserved, or earned but rather because of the good intentions of another person” (Emmons & McCullough, 2004).
For five years, I facilitated a family caregiver dementia support group. No one was immune from the challenges and stresses that are a natural part of caring for and supporting someone living with Alzheimer’s or another dementia.
It was a diverse group in age and relationship to the person living with dementia: spouses, partners, siblings, close friends, and adult children. The support group offered a safe space to grieve, problem solve, learn new approaches, become an informed care partner, and most importantly, build community and connection. The group was there to walk one another through the journey of being a care partner.
One genius idea (as were all the ideas from this group) came from a regular attendee who was caring for her husband of 50+ years. It was just before Thanksgiving.
This lovely woman brought two boxes of 16-ounce Mason jars to the class, along with colorful squares of paper. Our assignment was to write one thing for which we were grateful each day and put that piece of paper in the jar. This was a Gratitude Jar.
‘Mary’ encouraged us to pick a date a few months or more in the future — a birthday, a special anniversary, a holiday – and on that day, pull the slips of paper, one by one, from the jar and read them. Many in the group waited until the following Thanksgiving to read what they’d written over the past year.
Pausing, reflecting, and writing was a relaxing, calming exercise. Reading what we’d written months later was revealing and beautiful.
One woman in the group was an artist, and instead of writing, she drew sketches reflecting what she was grateful for: the fragrant cedar tree in her front yard, her granddaughter’s smile, her husband’s kind eyes. Another liked to write his reflections in the form of a haiku. Some days a few could only muster a word, which, at the time didn’t seem important, but was profound upon reflection. Coffee. Tears. Chocolate. Sun. Flowers. Puppy.
What changes with a daily practice of gratitude?
The gesture of starting a Gratitude Jar made an enormously positive impact on each member of the group. Everyone had a brighter outlook at their individual situations. Problems that seem insurmountable suddenly had manageable solutions.
It was transformative.
One persistently negative member of the group, by her own admission, began to slowly emerge from her cocoon and blossomed into smiles when she started to recognize her many blessings. The daily gratitude practice began to override her pessimism.
Gratitude is a simple yet powerful expression.
Gratitude, I’ve since come to learn, can improve mood, immunity, and sleep. It can also reduce anxiety, chronic pain, depression, and the risk of disease.
Studies support that expressing gratitude can have a positive impact and benefit our mental, physical, and social health. It also helps us build resilience for tough times.
Other research shows that adopting a practice of gratitude –15 minutes a day, five days a week, for a minimum of six weeks — can enhance mental wellness, build deeper connection and stronger interpersonal relationships, and positively affect physical health.
Make it a daily habit and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.
According to researchers at Mayo Clinic, “behavior changes biology. Positive gestures benefit you by releasing oxytocin, a hormone that helps connect people. Some people call it the love hormone.”
Tips for a daily practice of gratitude
- Keep a gratitude journal (or jar : ). Start a daily habit of writing down what you’re thankful for and what went well that day. Even the seemingly smallest things can fill us with gratitude: the warm sun in the afternoon following a rainy, dreary morning; coffee and pastries with a friend at a favorite café; discovering a twenty-dollar bill in the pocket of your winter coat; a rose bush that continues to bloom in late Fall.
- Share your gratitude. Don’t underestimate the value of a short, handwritten note, or a thoughtful text or email. Share with others over a meal. Tell your friends about something that happened for which you are grateful. Let others know how much you appreciate them. Share the joy!
- Be in the moment. We often say Thank You as a reflex. Instead, pause, be in the moment. Make eye contact, smile, say “Thank You!” Hold on to that moment of genuine gratitude. Savor it. Perhaps capture it in your gratitude journal. It’s important to pass it along. Those small interactions in line at the grocery store or exchanging pleasantries with those seated near you at a concert can mean a lot to others and boost your mood.
- Take a deep breath. Negative thoughts and moments of frustration throughout the day are normal. In those times, don’t allow yourself to steam or simmer in the negativity. Train yourself to pause, take a deep breath (it is cleansing), and shift your focus to something positive about the situation.
Challenges will still present themselves. Disappointments will occur. But gratitude, expressed freely and frequently, can open a bounty of health benefits, and build emotional reserves and resilience for difficult times. And imagine, only 15 minutes a day, that’s incredible!
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