My Grandpa meant the world to me. Early in my life, it was just me and my mom. She was a teacher, and we’d spend the summers with my grandparents in Portland. My mom would take classes while their assignment was to keep me out of trouble.
Lucky for me, this meant hours with my Grandpa. He lovingly referred to me as “the Streaker,” since most of my time was spent in their backyard, running around like a maniac, jumping in and out of my cheap plastic pool, not wasting time with a swimsuit, soaking in the freedom.
When I would slow down, playing games was our favorite way to pass the time. I always seemed to win. My Grandpa claimed I would change the rules with each game, allowing me to magically beat him every time. He was onto me!
I loved his sense of humor. Our days were filled with laughter and practical jokes. He’s the one that taught me the joy of laughing. He had a very charismatic personality. He made everyone he came in contact with feel better. He served in the Army during WWII as a cook (and baker). He made the most delicious cinnamon rolls. I suspect his warm personality and humor were also a welcomed relief for the soldiers after a messy day in battle. He later opened his own meat market which I like to believe must have had some influence on my own entrepreneurial spirit.
My Grandpa died far too young, and I don’t think my heart has ever recovered from him leaving me so early. His health was never the same after serving in the South Pacific. He also loved red wine, which was one of the causes of his shortened life. His tastes were simple, Gallo Chianti. I remember the large gallon jugs he would pour his glass from. I was oblivious to his alcoholism. To me, he was perfect. Looking back, I think he needed me as much as I needed him.
Missing him influenced my decision to volunteer in an assisted living community during my high school years. That time at Mountain Glen was the focus of my project for the Girl Scout Gold Award. I can still remember Andy. He was one of the two residents I hung out with over those years. He had a big spirit and also loved to laugh. In many ways, I think he filled the hole my Grandpa left.
Of course, Andy died too. This is the inevitable ending when you work with older adults. It makes this work hard on the heart. But the relationships built and lessons learned help balance out the scars.
When I started my work with older adults, my clients were all my grandparents’ age, all members of the Greatest Generation. I think my age served as an advantage. As someone the age of their own grandchildren, I was non-threatening and could slip in, build a relationship, and facilitate needed changes without them even noticing. It has always been their baby boomer children hiring us for guidance on how to support their parents who were declining and refusing help.
Now things are shifting
Very recently, I realized that most of our new clients are the age of my parents. The baby boomers are now seeking guidance for themselves and not their parents. I must admit, there is a part of me not ready for this part of the work. It is forcing me to accept the fact that I, too, am getting older, and I am certainly not ready to face the future of my own parents aging. I know too well what challenges might lie ahead.
The good news is that the baby boomers are planning ahead. I suspect this is motivated by watching what happened when their parents refused to plan and the toll it took on their family. They also know firsthand the shocking cost of care once you need it. These baby boomers want to do everything in their power to be pro-active and take control of their own journey. We welcome this change.
As Aging Life Care Professionals, we look forward to helping this next generation revolutionize aging. Facing it head on will free up this generation’s time, energy, and money to keep doing what they enjoy doing.
This new reality set in further when I realized how many of my friends are already witnessing their parents’ health decline. Too many of them, including my husband, have lost a parent to cancer. A couple of my friends have stepped up to help parents diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and several are navigating Parkinson’s disease with their fathers. These friends are also raising their own young children, navigating the unique challenges of mid-life marriages, and balancing the demands of being in the heart of their careers. Juggling these balls can feel impossible.
So Gen X, are you ready?
When I reflect on what I’ve learned so far from my work, here are some pieces of advice:
- This will be a marathon and not a sprint: It’s essential to take care of yourself. You cannot let your own families suffer in the process.
- Early conversations are best: Start talking to your parents about their own plans and wishes well before a health crisis hits. It makes these conversations far less intimidating.
- Knowledge is power: The more you know about what to expect and the resources available, the less stressful it will be.
- Patience: This process will take time and your parents probably won’t be ready to move at the pace you’d like them to. It’s okay. Balancing giving them space and nudging a bit will become your most effective tool.
- Baby steps: Take things one step at a time. We have found that starting small and moving slowing is more effective for the long haul than jumping in full steam ahead, which only seems to paralyze people and stop any positive momentum.
- Join a support group: Being with others who understand will make the load feel lighter. You don’t have to do this alone.
- Build a professional support team: Financial advisors, attorneys, fiduciaries, and medical providers can be part of your solution. Use them. Pick their brains.
- Hire an expert: Aging Life Care Professionals have spent decades learning the resources and navigating health challenges. We can join you on this journey, providing resources, tips, support, strength, and successful solutions. Our team at Aging Wisdom would love to help. Or if you live outside of the greater Seattle area, you can find one of my colleagues at www.aginglifecare.org.
Fellow Gen Xers, we’ve got this! Let’s pull together and juggle these balls as a team, not forgetting to laugh once in a while…in honor of my Grandpa.
